I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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