Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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