i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
