I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
