hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
