then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
