sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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