there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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