Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize