I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
