I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
