I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
