Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
