I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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