he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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