I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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