I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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