My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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