Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
