so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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