after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
