I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize