i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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