there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
