drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
