if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
