I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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