You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
