Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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