I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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