She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
