ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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