it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
