1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
