DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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