Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
