Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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