sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
