I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
