i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize