I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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