xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize