well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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