Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
