hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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