You made me cry and you don't even care
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
