I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
