you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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