So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
