dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
