The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
