note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
