weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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