Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
