I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
