There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
