i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
