Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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