Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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