im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
