if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
