No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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