We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
