her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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