Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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