it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
