Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
