i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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