I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
